I have been going back and forth a bit. Do I post about the hard parts? Nah, let's keep the blog uplifting and joyous. No need to discourage or depress. But it's got to be real...and sometimes putting things into words really frees the spirit. Anyway, I'll give it a go and try to tie things up with a happy ribbon at the end. 

So. I've been saying that a lot lately. Now Peter is saying it too. So.

So this post is really about the occurrences and feelings of about the last two, maybe three weeks. Looking back, it's obvious that Peter has made leaping jumps in maturity recently.

May 25: Begins potty training and two weeks lately completes his star chart and is staying dry through naps. No accidents. Phenominal. 

June 14: Gives up afternoon naps in exchange for an early bedtime. Cold turkey. Abruptly. Throws mommy for a tailspin. 

And though I wouldn't necessarily call it a leap in maturity, he has also become a bit more defiant. Very recently. Perhaps due to my acute awareness of his continued presence in my life. Am I parenting with less creativity and gentleness? I sure can't deny it. I've been feeling super overwhelmed by my omnipresent three year old lately.

I really didn't know parenting was going to get this hard. Please don't roll your eyes and say "I told you so". Now would NOT be a good time.


The point of this post is not to dog on my parenting, although it could probably use some help.

The point is -- I'm not enjoying being a mom. And I believe the root cause is that I'm not taking time for refreshment.  Which is different than just down time. I read a fabulous blog post about this recently (and can't find it now, so sad) but it really resonated with me. Some of the things that might refresh a person are: laying on the grass watching the clouds, taking a leisurely walk by a lake, sipping a drink and people watching, going for a hard, fast trail run. You know what? It's different for everybody.

And since I graduated from college, got married, and had two kids in 6.32 seconds, I'm still trying to figure it out.

I just want to love my job.

Without a refreshed, renewed, energetic, love-life attitude, I'm not even close.

[Insert pretty tied-up bow here.]