[dear you]

Time for a heart-to-heart.

You know that little adage that speaks of being silent if you have nothing nice to say? I've been biting my tongue {or shall we say, taming my fingers?} because I haven't felt much like trying to be positive. I've been a bit tired. 

Tired of being patient. 
Tired of wiping up pee from around the base of the toilet.
Tired of dealing with three-year-old fits.

But even more than that...tired of photography, tired of cooking, tired of sewing, tired of reading, tired of blogging, tired of just about everything. And tired of feeling like this.

You guys, I don't mope around like a spoiled brat who doesn't like her hobbies anymore. I'm carrying on mostly like normal. Smiles for the grocery checkers. Waves to the neighbors. But on the inside? I'm carrying around a burden that every now and then weighs me down to the point of tears.

He tells me that he'll be gone overnight for a few nights in a row and I'm tired of being strong, tired of no breaks, tired of doing and being ALL for those two sweet boys.

I tell myself it could be so much worse, but that doesn't heal the ache inside. When mama's needs are so often left unmet in this daily grind of parenthood, she just starts to empty out until there's nothing left but the monotony of one task after the other. 

I'm not super good with monotonous tasks. I get bogged down in the realities of life and after a while, start to feel like I haven't come up for air in a long time. Air for me = something new, something meaningful, something beautiful, something better. Not ANOTHER peed-in-bed to strip and wash.

So. Not to whine or complain.

Just to let you know that sometimes I feel up to my eyeballs and don't have a lot of encouraging things to say.

I want to somehow find ways to pull myself out of the doldrums and I will. But if I get quiet, you'll know the dis-harmony and messes and unending stimulation of motherhood has gotten to me.

In other news {and supreme cuteness}, my boys were chasing ducks today and learning to quack. Check it out.