Of Days Gone By

Sometime earlier this week, my Facebook status read, "Laura Kyle wants to just put life on 'pause'." At one point I had the distinct feeling I was floating -- not really tuned in to life. I couldn't get my feet back on the ground. Is it because I have two kids now? Maybe because it's summer? Or the stress of starting my own small business?

Having two isn't really as hard as I imagined. At least not yet. But it does take extra mental energy. ...get the car-seat out first, then the two-year-old...feed the baby before the toddler's nap-time routine...don't even try going to the post office with them both... I think it stresses me out more internally, in my subconscious. It's the dreams about forgetting the baby in the car or losing track of my speedy walker. My brain is working overtime to keep my children safe! And it makes me tired.

Have you ever ridden a metro train or light-rail? You board, the doors close and then "hang on" cause the thing speeds up pretty fast, without much warning! Just like summer. Ezra was born and off we went!! Painting the house trim, going to graduation parties, weddings, and family reunions, swimming lessons for Peter, preserving blueberries, cherries, peaches, TOMATOES...we've been busy. Fortunately, all events have gone smoothly. Even the 150 pounds of blueberries. But all these activities take time away from other necessities, making every day that much longer. And it makes me tired.

What am I thinking trying to start a business?? Well, it started with a desire for my own children to attend Kindermusik classes. No teacher in town? hmmm Other people with the same desire? hmmm I'm a teacher -- I could do it! hmmm So here I am, a licensed Kindermusik instructor...ready to get the fall classes started...but where are the students? OH YA -- I have to advertise! Guess I thought students would drop out of the sky. I need to somehow spread the word. So I'm holding a demo class at the Children's Museum and I ordered some postcards to hand out to people I meet. It's just taking a little more time and mental energy than I anticipated. It consumes my thoughts and my dreams at night. It makes me tired.

Add to this a poor little baby suffering from sore legs (three pokes from his 2 month appointment yesterday). He's been crying. Which is out of the ordinary. Usually he just sits and smiles. Or sleeps. Again, mentally draining.

I'd rather be physically tired from a long bike ride or swim and enjoy that exhausted, eat lots and then sleep feeling. But no eating for me. And no sleeping until tonight. So I'm going to practice a bit of mental yoga [is there such a thing?] and maybe space out a bit during Peter's nap.