The Curse

Don't raise your child to be a perfectionist! Actually, this is probably a nature/nurture debate -- maybe I popped out perfectly and had to maintain my record. But I'm constantly plagued by the desire to have everything just right and failure decimates me.

I know for sure that I don't expect as much from myself as I did in high school -- seems like every teen gets a good dose of 'I have to look perfect and talk perfect and have perfect friends". But I still have days where I don't measure up to my own standards...and feel pretty miserable because of it.

I'd like to figure out how to nail this weakness to the floor (ya, can't be perfect if I'm a perfectionist -- aaaaahh!!), but I don't seem to recognize the symptoms until it's too late. And once I'm in the muck, it's hard to get out. Anne of Green Gables called it the "depths of despair". I'm pretty sure it's not the healthiest place for a person to be.

Speaking of healthy, Tim and I were talking about what our beliefs are this afternoon. We're feeling the need to identify what it is we value and try to prioritize those things in our lives. Seems like we place unnecessary energy into things we don't even value all that much. But maybe others value them, so we should?? This still needs some thought. We agree that we value balance, morality, self-control, and service. This was just a start.

So, I'm going to start by telling myself I'm a good mother and a good teacher (even though I make mistakes). Then I'm going to work to define what I believe in and why I do what I do. In the process, I hope to find the joy and meaning life can offer, rather than the curse of discouragement and despair.