Back to Kuzma
Three year olds can be taxing. That's not a surprise to anyone, I'm sure. Thursday was especially difficult for the boy and I.
So it was Back to Kay Kuzma for me. Yep, I had forgotten some very important things.
Self-control and Impulsive Behavior
"When your child is acting impulsively, it will take a great deal of patience to not let this behavior upset you {you're telling me}. Your job is to guide your child away from impulsive reactions into self-controlled ones -- not to punish. At this point your calm guidance and example will be most helpful.
Impulsive children need more individual attention, especially during stressful times. For example, they may lose control more easily when they're tired, hungry, or sick. When children are emotionally upset, their behavior is less predictable. At these times, your calm presence and gentle touch may be all that is needed to help them refocus. But if not, PRAY for wisdom to know how to handle the situation.
As you see impulsive behavior beginning to be displayed, try to defuse it before it becomes full blown. Act when you see the warning signs -- whining, rigid body movements, angry looks, or a pouting face. Acknowledge the child's feelings while he still has a thread of control and talk them out. Or you might pick up your child and hold him securely until he relaxes. Then fill his love cup. In this way you are rewarding the child for halting his impulsive behavior before a meltdown. If you wait for the explosion and then try to correct him, the attention you must give at that time -- even though disciplinary -- actually rewards his impulsive behavior, and you'll likely get more outbursts. In fact, the more children are allowed to display uncontrolled impulsive behavior, the more habit forming it becomes."
Commanding Parents = Demanding Kids
"A request is a polite way of asking for compliance or for giving directions...When you make a request, you expect your children will want to help or cooperate, if you think they might resist, you wisely add an incentive to your request, making obedience as easy as possible.
Strong, gentle parents establish the habit of 'requesting', rather than constantly requiring or commanding. Requesting develops a cooperative, positive attitude in which obedience is willingly given.
Making a request or offering a choice are two different things. "Please get into the bathtub" is a request you expect to be obeyed. "Would you like to get into the bathtub?" is offering your child a choice. Only give your child a choice if you really mean it.
[...]
When parents command, their tone of voice can immediate alienate their children and the result is that they often spitefully ignore their parents, or they become defiant. Commands tend to make children feel controlled, insignificant, and inferior, since the children have no say in the matter...Children obey out of fear of consequences, not out of love and respect for you. Commanding parents often end up with demanding kids."
And finally -- "To discipline means to teach -- not to punish."
So it was Back to Kay Kuzma for me. Yep, I had forgotten some very important things.
Self-control and Impulsive Behavior
"When your child is acting impulsively, it will take a great deal of patience to not let this behavior upset you {you're telling me}. Your job is to guide your child away from impulsive reactions into self-controlled ones -- not to punish. At this point your calm guidance and example will be most helpful.
Impulsive children need more individual attention, especially during stressful times. For example, they may lose control more easily when they're tired, hungry, or sick. When children are emotionally upset, their behavior is less predictable. At these times, your calm presence and gentle touch may be all that is needed to help them refocus. But if not, PRAY for wisdom to know how to handle the situation.
As you see impulsive behavior beginning to be displayed, try to defuse it before it becomes full blown. Act when you see the warning signs -- whining, rigid body movements, angry looks, or a pouting face. Acknowledge the child's feelings while he still has a thread of control and talk them out. Or you might pick up your child and hold him securely until he relaxes. Then fill his love cup. In this way you are rewarding the child for halting his impulsive behavior before a meltdown. If you wait for the explosion and then try to correct him, the attention you must give at that time -- even though disciplinary -- actually rewards his impulsive behavior, and you'll likely get more outbursts. In fact, the more children are allowed to display uncontrolled impulsive behavior, the more habit forming it becomes."
Commanding Parents = Demanding Kids
"A request is a polite way of asking for compliance or for giving directions...When you make a request, you expect your children will want to help or cooperate, if you think they might resist, you wisely add an incentive to your request, making obedience as easy as possible.
Strong, gentle parents establish the habit of 'requesting', rather than constantly requiring or commanding. Requesting develops a cooperative, positive attitude in which obedience is willingly given.
Making a request or offering a choice are two different things. "Please get into the bathtub" is a request you expect to be obeyed. "Would you like to get into the bathtub?" is offering your child a choice. Only give your child a choice if you really mean it.
[...]
When parents command, their tone of voice can immediate alienate their children and the result is that they often spitefully ignore their parents, or they become defiant. Commands tend to make children feel controlled, insignificant, and inferior, since the children have no say in the matter...Children obey out of fear of consequences, not out of love and respect for you. Commanding parents often end up with demanding kids."
And finally -- "To discipline means to teach -- not to punish."