This month is really getting away from me.

I've been discouraged, feeling quite a bit of mommy-burnout, just wondering what I've gotten myself into, ya know? Long road ahead. Not sure who I'll be when life spits me out.

Haven't really felt like posting all those morose emotions on my blog. Haven't felt like taking many pictures. Haven't felt like having much fun. Tough.

Tim thinks I need to re-discover my carefree spirit...the wild and crazy side of me. I had the opportunity to be crazy last weekend, but didn't. Sometimes you get dug in so deep, a little flirt with "living with abandon" feels almost like a slap on the cheek. Like why tease yourself?

Get that frown back on and keep those kids in line.

Oh, I had no idea I parenting would be so hard for a softie like me. It rips my heart apart to hear my baby having to cry himself back to sleep. He cried for a long time last night. Before he climbed out of his crib. And then after...when faced with a child-proof lock on the door and a mattress on the floor. A lot of crying. He napped better today and went quickly to his bed tonight. So there's progress. But it's hard on me. Complete emotional energy drain.

When I get time off, I just crash.

But I don't want to dig my grave quite yet. I have a few years before thirty. I thought about making a list -- "Thirty Before Thirty" {30 fun things to accomplish before my 30th birthday} -- but that's a terrible lot of wild things to think up, when I can't think beyond an early bedtime on my night off.

Tim recommended "Eleven in 2011" -- that sounds a bit more manageable. I'm at least going to try. Want to give me some of your ideas?? What would you do to rekindle a love for life? Cliff-jumping? Para-sailing? A mountain hike?