Skip to main content

Work It Out, Baby | Day Nine

They both want the same toy. The parents' blood pressure starts to rise. Conflict is on its way.

First -- “But that’s MY car!” Then -- “I want it!”


We could leave them to it...they’ll have a great fight, maybe with some slapping and kicking and yelling and biting and grabbing and throwing {oh yes. we've been there.}. They may or may not eventually work it out, but my guess is that one of the victims will give up and stomp off, saying a few choice words as he or she leaves {or a sour look}.

We could jump right in with questions as to who had the car first, who wants the car and why do they want it, then start throwing commands left and right. “Johnny, you give the car to Sam. He gets a turn now. You can have it back in five minutes. And don’t cry or fuss.”

*cue the sound of helicopter blades whopping*

But my favorite method is to quietly say what I see happening, make sure each child knows how the other is feeling, and offer solutions to restore peace. Because people are more important than toys {another life commandment}.

Children need to be taught how to eventually work out conflict all on their own. They need to be taught healthy conflict resolution. They need to be aware of their feelings and the feelings of others. And the best way to teach all of this is through lots of example dialogue and role-playing.

“I see Ezra grabbed the toy you were playing with. He wants it too. How can we work this out so that all of us are happy? Want to give him five minutes to play with it and then ask for a turn?”

{example dialogue for Peter to say to a frustrated friend}   
“Oh, it sounds like you don’t want to play this game anymore. You must be feeling bored or upset. Can we play firefighters instead? Or do you want to play chase?”

Peter knows that if he is struggling to get along with someone, be it a friend or his brother, he has four tools in his toolbox: {thank you smart husband for this wisdom}
NEW TOY -- find a new toy for yourself or the other person
NEW ACTIVITY -- think of something else to do that you both might enjoy
GROWNUP HELP -- ask a grownup to help with solutions
ALONE TIME -- be alone for awhile

This takes a LOT of repetition. We find ourselves saying it more times than we’d like. But I believe there will be a pay-off. We've seen small promises of success already. ;)

Happy children are children that know how to problem solve and work things out with others.

Click here to read the rest of the posts in the series, 31 Days to Happier Children.

Popular posts from this blog

Spring Break in Singapore

Many people have been confused by our answer to the question, "Why are you going to Singapore?" Going to see the coolest airport in the world doesn't seem like a worthy enough reason to go! The Changi airport in Singapore is VERY hyped, so you've probably heard about it, especially if your Internet algorithm sends you all the travel content. Now that we've been there, we can let you know that the description online is definitely sparklier than the actual thing.  For the most part, it's a pretty average airport. There are four terminals [we visited three of them], each with their gates, normal stores, traditional carpet, etc. There are a few unusual things hiding in corners here and there, like little gardens [butterfly, cactus, sunflower, orchids], a long slide [we didn't try it], and a movie theater [pretty small]. The reason it gets so much attention is probably for its newest building [The Jewel], which is pictured above. The center is made up of this i

Finishing Another Year | 2022 Went Really Quickly

Twenty twenty twooooo!! In many ways, this year was an improvement over the last two years! We stopped wearing masks at school in March, we stayed home for most of the summer [that made the boys happy], I took a college class and read a lot of books in preparation for my new role at work, Ezra played soccer and basketball this fall, and I've been able to accomplish some fun challenges with my #40before40 list!  We had a couple mouth procedures this summer too -- wisdom teeth extraction for Peter and braces for Ezra! It was a good summer to spend more time at home. Stats:  7 blog posts 220 photos on Instagram  26 posts on Facebook  9 posts on Strava  2 family photos with the tripod!! I asked family members to reflect a little...some participated better than others. :)  Most memorable times this year:  Ezra: playing with the Evans' both in the winter and summer  Laura: water sports in San Diego Tim: taking Peter to work where he was meaningfully helpful Best part of the year: Ezr

Another January and February | 2023

January 2023: I went snowshoeing and cross-country skiing with friends, once each. I completed a 50 mile walking challenge #somuchwalking, even though it was REALLY cold. I took Ezra up to Mission Ridge a few times. I made tacos for my family.  February 2023: We had a day that was warm enough to play disc golf. Ezra got new "chains" in addition to his braces and the adjustment to that was pretty painful. I hiked up Icicle River road with a friend and ate a veggie dog. I dropped off Tim at SeaTac and missed him for three weeks. I visited a friend in Portland, ate a Voodoo Donut, and took a city lights helicopter tour. 😯 I only have 13 photos on Instagram for two months. It's been a rough start to the year. It seems like the beginning of every year is difficult. Maybe I should experiment by spending January and February in the southern hemisphere sometime!  It's time for a quick #40before40 update since I have less than two months until my birthday.  18. Walk 40 miles