Decompressing {Quickly}

I'm having a genuine melt-down
I want to seem like I have it together, no one likes feeling vulnerable
but I really need support in this hard stage in life

so many of you won't understand
you might not be like me
I think a lot of the struggles we have as parents have everything to do with our personality

I'm supposed to schedule alone time
so I can function better as a mom
it's a happy habit that I have to be intentional about

nearly impossible right now
with a two year old who will only nap in the car
and has been fighting bedtime and demanding so much attention

I've had to be very firm with him
that is so hard for me
I hate using my big mama voice

I don't have time for blogging
I don't have time to lesson plan
I don't have time for myself

part of all that is simply poor planning
and a big share of exhaustion
when I do get done with my day I'm too tired to be productive

my husband and I had an interesting conversation about role reversal the other night
he sees the benefits of planning ahead now
I have started going with the flow {plans that go awry can make a person cynical about planning}

that's so not how we used to be
parenting changes you
I'm more introverted than I ever was in high school or college

I need more sleep
I want more enthusiasm for life
I need to love being a mom

if only they still slept 15 hours a day